Nilasing na Hipon

Ingredients:

* 3 kilos of large shrimps

* 4 cups of Gin

* 4 cups of Flour

* Salt and pepper to taste

* Cooking Oil

Cooking procedure:

1. Wash the shrimps twice and allow to stand for at least 30 minutes.

2. Place the shrimps in a bowl and add the gin.

3. Prepare the batter by mixing flour with some water and gin. Mix well.

4. Add the batter to the shrimps and mix well until the shrimps are well coated.

5. Heat oil in a skillet and deep-fry the shrimp.

Officemates

Sa mata ng isang boss, may isang dosenang klase lang ng officemates

CLOWNS – ang official kenkoy ng office. May mga one-liner na gumigising sa lahat kapag nagkakaantukan na. Sabi ng ilang boss, eto raw yung mga KSP sa office na dahil hindi naman matalino, o kadalasang matalino na tamad lang, eh dinadaan na lang sa patawa ang pagpapapansin. Pero aaminin ko, walang opisinang walang ganito, at kung meron man, magigigng malaking sakripisyo ang pagpasok sa work
araw-araw.

GEEKS – mga taong walang pakialam sa mundo. Papel, boss, at computer lang ang iniintindi. Kahit na mainit na ang ulo ng boss at bad trip, ang mga geeks ang walang takot na lumalapit sa boss at nagtatanong kung mag-iiba ang result ng entry kung isa-substitute ang value ng debit sa credit.

HOLLOW MAN – may 2 uri ng H.M. virus, ang Type A at Type B. Ang type A ay ang empleyado na madalas na invisible sa office, bakante ang upuan, madalas absent. Ang type B naman ang pumapasok sa office bagamat present eh inivisible naman ang work, at hollow ang utak.

SPICE GIRLS – barkadahan ng mga magkaka-ibigang babae mahilig gumimik, sabay-sabay pero laging late na pumapasok. Madalas na may hawak na hairbrush at songhits [how jologs!-uso pa ba to?]. Pag pinagawan mo ng group works, sila ang madalas na magkaka-grupo.

DA GWAPINGS – ang male counterpart ng Spice Girls, isinilang para magpa-cute. Konti lang ang members nito, 2-3 lang para mas pansin ang bawat isa. Tulad ng Spice Girls, kadalasang puro Hair Gel lang ang laman ng utak ng mga Da Gwapings.

CELEBRITIES – Politicians, Athletes, Performers. Politician ang mga palaban na empleyado na mas nag-aalala pa sa kalagayan ng kompanya at mga kapwa empleyado kesa sa performance. Athletes ang ilang ‘varsitarians’ na kung gaano kabilis pumasok eh ganon kabagal mag-work. Performers naman ang mga empleyado na kaya lang yata pumapasok eh para makasayaw, kumanta, at makatula sa stage kapag organizational day. Sa pangkalahatan, ang mga celebs ay matindi ang PR, pero mababa ang IQ.

GUINNESS – mga record holders pagdating sa persistence. Pilit pinupunan ang mga kakulangan sa katalinuhan. Sila ang mga kadalasang nagtatagumpay sa buhay. Masinop sa work. Mabilis mag-work, kahit na laging mali.(hahaha)

LEATHER GOODS – mga empleyadong maling uri ng determinasyon meron. Laging determinado ang mga ito sa harapang pangungupit, bulgarang pandaraya, at palagiang pagpapalapad ng papel sa boss. Talo ang mga buwaya sa pakapalan.

WEIRDOS – mga problematic employee, misunderstood daw, kadalasang tinatawag na black sheep ng office. May kanya-kanya silang katangian, konti ang kaibigan, madalas mapaaway, mababa ang evaluation, at boss’s enemy.

MGA ANAK NI RIZAL – Ang mga Endangered Species kumbaga. Straight ‘A’ employees pero well rounded at hindi geeks. Boss’s pet pero hindi sipsip.Busy sa work pero may oras pa rin sa extra-curricular activities, at gimiks.. Hanep!

BOB ONGS – Mga medjo matino na may sayad…

COMMONERS – mga generic na member ng class. Kulang sa individuality, at katangiang umuukit sa isipan. Hindi sila agad napapansin ng boss pag absent, at sa paglipas ng panahon, sila ang mga taong nakakalimutan ng mga boss at co-employees nila.

Ikaw, san ka kabilang?

Bulag

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant.
Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu.
“Hindi mo ba napansing bulag ako?
Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na tinidor at nang malaman ko kung
ano ang kakainin ko!”, bulyaw ng bulag.

Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang
tinidor na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag.
Inamoy ng bulag ang una.
“Fried chicken! Hindi ako kumakain ng fried chicken”, sabi ng bulag
pagkaamoy ng unang tinidor.
At inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor.
“Eto, meatloaf, bigyan mo ako niyan”.

Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina para kausapin ang
cook na si Rosario.
“Ang galing noong bulag, oh, amoy pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin
niya.
Magluto ka nga ng meatloaf”, kuwento ng waiter kay Rosario.

Nagluto si Rosario ng meatloaf at ibinigay sa bulag.
Nasarapan ang customer kaya nagbigay ito ng malaking tip.

Kinabukasan, bumalik ang bulag at nagbigay na naman ng dalawang
tinidor ang waiter para ipaamoy rito.
“Ito, gusto ko ng porkchop”, sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy pa lang ng
unang tinidor.

Sa ikatlong araw, umamoy na naman ang bulag ng dalawang tinidor.
“Hindi ako kumakain ng hamburger.
Ito namang isa, meatloaf ulit. Wala na bang bago?”, reklamo ng
bulag.

“Teka lang ho”, sabi ng waiter sabay labas.
Kumuha ng malinis na tinidor ang waiter at pinahid sa loob ng panty
ni Rosario para paglaruan ang customer.

“Subukan n’yo po ito”, sabi ng waiter na iniabot ang tinidor na
pinunas sa panty ni Rosario.

“Aba!”, gulat na sabi ng bulag.
“Dito na ba nagtratrabaho si Rosario?”

Inday

Matapos kainin ang mga inihanda ni Inday, sumakit ang mga tyan nila Mister and Misis.

Mister: Hayup ka Inday, ikaw ang may kasalanan nito. Kung anu-anong pinakain mo sa’men kaya sumakit tuloy ang tyan namin.

Inday: I beg your pardon, it’s not what I fed you with but the amount of food you consumed that causes misery in your insatiable stomachs.

Misis: Sakiittt. Ano ba itong nangyayari sa amin. Ba’t si Junior ok naman?

Inday: What do you think of me, some miserable human encyclopedia that can instantaneously educate feeble minds? My brief training in med school however, is telling me that perhaps what you are experiencing now is scientifically termed as DYSPEPSIA or indigestion. In Tagalog, that is called impatso, which is characterized by chronic or recurrent pain or discomfort centered in the upper abdomen. That discomfort in this context means mild pain, upper abdominal fullness and feeling full earlier than expected with eating accompanied by bloating, belching, or nausea.

Misis: Okey payn, what should we do???? (Uy napapa-english na din si Misis)

Inday: Hayyy. If you knew beforehand that you would be feasting like there’s no tomorrow, you should have taken an over the counter antidopaminergic drug before meal that can regulate the movement of the stomach which will prevent the occurrence of dyspepsia.

Inday: What I am trying to say is, there’s nothing wrong with the meal I served, you just over ate that’s all.

College Student from UP

This is a story from University of the Philippines (Diliman) about a young college girl who passed away last month.

Her name was Bianca. She was hit by a dump truck. She had a boy friend named George. Both of them were true lovers. They always hung on the phone.

You could never see her without her cell phone. In fact she also changed her phone from Smart to Globe , so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost and get good network coverage. She spent half of the day talking with George. Bianca’s family knew about their relationship.

George was very close with Bianca’s family. (Just imagine their love).

Before she passed away she always told her friends “If I pass away please bury me with my hand phone” she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people couldn’t carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn’t, everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a Feng Shui Master. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.

After a few minutes, he said “this girl misses something here”. Then her friends told the Master about her intentions to bury her with her phone.

He then opened the coffin and places her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.

Bianca’s parents did not inform George that Bianca had passed away. After 2
weeks George called Bianca’s mom. George:”I’m coming home today. Cook something nice for me.

Don’t tell Bianca that I’m coming home today, I wanna surprise her.” Her mother replied….. “You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important.” after he came, they told him the truth about Bianca.

George thought that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said “don’t try to fool me – tell Bianca to come out, i have a gift for her. Please stop this nonsense”. Then they showed him her grave. He said…

“It’s not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.

George was shaking. Suddenly, his phone rang. “See this is from Bianca, see this…” he showed the phone to Bianca’s family. All of them told him to answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It was the actual voice of Bianca and there was no way others could use her SIM card since it was nailed inside the coffin. They were so shocked and asked for the Feng Shuie Master’s help again. The Master brought his co-masters to solve this matter. He his co-masters worked for 5 hours.

Then they discovered one thing…

Globe has the best coverage. Where ever you go, their network follows

smile -)

Girl’s first time

BOY: is this your first time?

GIRL: (angrily) oo naman noh.
You guys talaga. So kuleeet!
Always asking me the same question.
Paulit-ulit. Hmp!

Bolpen

PEDRO: Miss,pabili nga ng bolpen.

MISS: Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen.
(Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan)

PEDRO: My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen!

Leptospirosis deaths now at 167

According to a health official, the total number of leptospirosis cases in the country hit 2,158 with 167 recorded deaths

5,212 A(H1N1) cases hit Philippines

There were 5,212 A(H1N1) influenza cases monitored in the country, resulting to 30 deaths, according to Health Secretary Francisco Duque III.

Good Luck signs

• Encountering a yellow butterfly will bring you good luck.

• If you are awakened by chirping birds at dawn, luck awaits you.

• Dreaming of fish, trees, or snakes means good fortune, money, or happiness.

• At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, eat twelve grapes which represent the twelve months of the year. This will ensure money and good luck throughout the year.